My addiction to southern-themed throw pillows and how Sweetums copes

Y’all, it’s time to come clean: I can’t resist a southern-themed throw pillow. My current favorites are one with a drawing of the State of Alabama, another that says, “Butter My Buns and Call Me a Biscuit” and one with the words, “I Love You Like Biscuits & Gravy.”

Adorable, right?

I only put them on the sofa when company’s coming because I bear the cross all women must bear – Sweetums abhors throw pillows.

He knows the truth all men know: There’s a reason they’re called “throw” pillows. Our husbands/significant others/bed-type mates hate those frou-frou pillows and will quickly throw them to the floor to clear their man space. What the heck are those pillows even for, they ask? They are much too small to sleep on and, besides, they’d get yelled at if they tried … drool stains and all that.

The throw pillows that go on our bed are stored in the closet and brought out, you guessed it, when company comes and I want the house to look nice and cozy. If I tried to keep them on the bed, we’d be having pillow fights every night.

So why do I keep buying pillows I can’t leave out and that, let’s face it, are waaaay over-priced? Because they’re cute and southern and everybody knows I can’t resist cute and southern.

Or maybe it’s because I keep promising/threatening to start my own throw-pillow business. With all the little dandruffs of wisdom continually falling from my head, I figure I need an outlet. So I thought, during one of those times of deep thought, “Hey, I need to embroider this on a throw pillow.” And then I thought, “I bet someone would pay for one of those.”

I may eventually do it. Not for me, y’all. I just want to give back to the community by sharing my wisdom.

Here are a few of my ideas (you can find more on the Throw-Pillow Philosophy page here on the blog or in my book “Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter”):

• There’s a reason God invented underwear, y’all.
• If we were meant to eat raw veggies, God wouldn’t have invented Crisco.
• Might as well love yourself today. You’ll only be fatter tomorrow.
• You can’t fix stupid. But you can hide it in the closet.
• Mama always said: “God don’t like ugly.”
• Everything you need to know you can learn from an episode of the Golden Girls.

Maybe I could find some investors. Or we could start a KickStarter. Who’s with me?