Following is an excerpt from this week’s column on AL.com. The link at the bottom takes you to the full column.
I tend to be a fairly conservative person. I know what some of you are asking – what about the Bigfoot statue at my wedding? Or the Loch Ness monster in my front garden? Or the Mooning Gnome on the front porch? Fair question. But those are really more Sweetums’ bling than mine. Plus, I meant I’m fairly conservative, fashion-wise. I don’t wear much makeup or jewelry and my wardrobe could be classified as Middle-Age Frump, at least when I’m wearing my khaki mom capris and orthopedic walkers.
So I leave it to others to make a splash at Christmas parties. As it turns out, some people define “splash” differently than I do. For instance, I would consider wearing a sweater made from sparkly thread pretty flashy. Maybe I’d put on heavier eyeshadow and the only pair of shoes I own that aren’t black or brown. If I wanted to get pretentious about it, I might wear some of those dangly little Christmas bulb earrings.
But some people want all eyes on them … and they know how just how to do it. I’ve been shocked by some Christmas fashion trends in the past but the latest craze will raise your eyebrows. Let’s start with it and then I’ll remind you of a few other fun, by which I mean alarming, trends.
Christmas Tree Eyebrows
No need to re-read that. It’s correct: Christmas Tree Eyebrows. A beauty blogger named taytay_xx started this trend a few weeks back.
It doesn’t have anything to do with real trees. Or boughs of holly, or glitter-sprayed pinecones. That would be downright uncomfortable, y’all. I’m guessing.
Instead, tatay parted her eyebrows down the center (right now I am wishing I could return to the moment when I’d never heard the phrase “parted her eyebrows”). Then she shaped little brow-hair branches on each side, added tiny tree baubles and a little star on top.
That taytay. Such a rebel. But other beauty bloggers, as beauty bloggers are wont to do, decided to try to outdo her design and the Christmas Tree Eyebrow Wars began in earnest. This led to women even adding little pieces of golden wire or additional fur to add fluff to their branches. Fluff. On their eyebrows.
My review: Holy crap on a cracker, taytay! You know when your mama said, “Don’t act ugly?” She meant this.