Southern Thing Column

So y’all want to have a yard sale. I’ll just go ahead and bless your little hearts

If you missed last week’s column on It’s a Southern Thing (SouthernThing.com), you can read it by clicking here.  Below are the first paragraphs.

A woman with bouncy curls and a matching personality stood in my driveway last weekend ogling a like-new, big-screen TV I was selling at a garage sale. I’d labeled it $50.

“Will you take $2?” she asked.

I countered with $4, figuring her next offer would be $3. But as Andy and Barney once told Gomer, “don’t over expect.” Especially when selling things you no longer want. The woman came back with $2.50 and I felt too defeated to go to $2.75. OK, so it wasn’t a big-screen TV. It was a $5 lamp with a crooked shade. But still … I think she ended up with a carload of our former beloved keepsakes for 6 bucks.

After spending about $100 on signs and ads, and working in the garage for three weekends straight, we profited about $24.50 on old junk and furniture that originally cost twenty times as much. But at least we cleared out a space the size of laptop on the garage floor.

Garage sales are horrible, soul-baring events and I hope to buttered biscuits I have hosted my last one. They are problematic for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is letting the neighbors and possibly your old friends from high school or the parents of your old friends from high school see what kind of awful taste you had when you were 25 … or worse, witness your more recent lapses in judgement. Here’s a for instance: We had for sale, right there in our driveway, a Squatty Potty. Click here to read the full column.

4 thoughts on “So y’all want to have a yard sale. I’ll just go ahead and bless your little hearts”

  1. Hi Kelly, OMG, so funny, as always. I LOVE your writing. You put into words what most of us are thinking. Yes, I have SOOO many things that I keep thinking I will put in a yard sale.  The reality is that I am going to donate them to either the “Humane Society” Thrift shop or one of the “New Leash on Life” Thrift shops. I just don’t think I can go through another yard sale!  Although it is nice to have a dollar in the hand, it is SO debilitating to haggle over 25 cents…   LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your work!!! Betsy

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  2. Thank you so much, Betsy. That makes my day. Since it has been raining so much, I think we will have to donate the rest of our “keepsakes” also. Thank you again and I hope you keep reading!

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  3. After my mother in law passed away we had a huge estate sale. She would have popped the top off that casket and dug her way out of the ground if she knew what we sold all her valuable stuff for. At the end of the sale I figured we all made $1.65 an hour. Oh well maybe someone will love her stuff as much as she did.

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