Over the years, I’ve developed several theories about why Sweetums learned the wrong lyrics to virtually every childhood song – alien, shape-shifting Bigfoot, your basic nut – but now I have a new one. I think he was raised in another dimension, one that was exactly like this one except all the children’s songs had different words.
My fears began when Sweetums sang the wrong lyrics to “On Top of Spaghetti.” Then, he didn’t know “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” y’all! (Click here to see how he sang the song).
Over the weekend, he started singing another childhood song – “Pop! Goes the Weasel” – and, as usual, I was like “what the … what?” This is a song with slightly more obscure lyrics so I suppose I should be happy he knew there was a mulberry bush in it.
Here’s how Sweetums sang it:
“Once around the mulberry bush
The rabbit chased the weasel
There they go down the hole
Pop! goes the weasel.”
The real lyrics are:
“All around the mulberry bush
The monkey chased the weasel
The monkey thought it was all in fun
Pop! goes the weasel.”
BUT …
There are numerous versions of the lyrics and in the UK, it typically starts like this …
“All around the cobbler’s bench
The monkey chased the weasel
The monkey thought ‘twas all in fun
Pop! goes the weasel.
A penny for a spool of thread
A penny for a needle
That’s the way the money goes
Pop! goes the weasel.”
I gave him the benefit of a doubt and searched for lyrics with a rabbit but I found none. (There is apparently an Anthony Newley version – remember him from 1967’s “Doctor Doolittle?” – whose lyrics involve tuppenny rice, treacle and a pub. Those nutty Brits.)
My initial theory was that Sweetums didn’t learn the same songs I did because he is actually from another planet. Think about it: He’s 6-foot-7 and freakishly strong, he likes Weird Al, he’s never seen “The Brady Bunch” and he owns a Bigfoot costume.
But we recently heard a theory about why no one can seem to find a “real” Bigfoot that I think may also apply to Sweetums: Someone suggested Sasqui (official plural of Sasquatch) can actually slip between dimensions so that when one is about to be spotted – whoosh! – he’s gone. Perhaps Sweetums was born in one dimension and at some point he and his interdimensional doppleganger switched places. The Sweetums who knows the right lyrics to childhood songs is living on the wrong plane. That’s my theory, anyway … and it would explain so much.
Do you have any ideas??
KellyKazek.com 