You know it’s Friday the 13th when …
- Your stepson brings you a box of – not even kidding – Jason Voorhees cereal. (You remember him — villain of the Friday the 13th films.) Get it? He’s a “cereal” killer. Yeah. It came with a little tiny Jason figure as a “prize.” I know you’re jealous.
- You are asked to help your husband into his Bigfoot costume, and help him, while wearing his Bigfoot costume, into a Freddy and Jason T-shirt.
- You are then required to take a photo of your husband dressed as Bigfoot wearing a Freddy and Jason T-shirt, with his son, who is wearing a Jason Voorhees T-shirt. So he can post it on Facebook. With pride.
- You receive an email with the subject line “What to wear to prison.” Not to worry, y’all. It’s because I am going to speak to an English class for inmates. I’m not actually going to stay. I don’t think. I hope. Maybe I should ask more questions. Hmmmm….
And because it’s related, here’s an excerpt from my new humor book, “Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter:” (For a signed copy, email firstname.lastname@example.org. Cost: $15 + $4 shipping.)
“I’ve always told Sweetums I don’t like practical gifts. If I need a new vacuum, I’ll just go out and buy one, then put it in the coat closet where it will never be seen again. On my last birthday, he took my advice to heart and got me the most impractical gift he could find (unless you happen to be buying for Wes Craven): A collection of plush horror movie killer dolls as their younger selves: Little Freddy, Michael, Jason, Chucky, and Ghostface. Now I’m afraid to make gift suggestions. Ever again.”