Following is an excerpt from this week’s column on AL.com. The link at the bottom takes you to the full column.
If India, as a country, had a middle and last name, I’d call it by all three because it needs a talkin’ to. You know, like a “Billy Dwayne India, you get in here right this minute before I pinch your head off” talkin’ to.
Although I don’t suppose I can lump an entire country in with one dude who put India in the news again for proposing to market a refreshing beverage made from … cow urine. The stuff that comes from cows. As in bovine No. 1. Cattle tinkle. I just want to be sure we’re clear here.
Every few years, cow urine drinks show up in the news, like back in 2009 when an Indian man announced he was going to market a soft drink from cow tee-tee.
As I said in my column back then: “The idea of drinking a bovine pee cola gives a whole new meaning to those old Peter Frampton lyrics, ‘I’m in you, urine me.’” (At least I think that’s how it went.)
I was completely against the idea, but I figured if he was going to do it anyway I’d offer up some brand names: Cow-ca Cola. Or Pee-psi. Or Dr. Pee-per. I never heard if he had any success but I didn’t receive any royalty checks so….
This time, Dr. Prakash Chandra Saxena is hoping to get approval from government agencies to market pure cow urine as a health aid. He is quoted on the Tech Times website as saying, “We will promote cow urine as a health-giving drink… Drinking 10 ml to 20 ml cow urine daily will act as a preventive against seasonal diseases like fever, cough and stomach-related ailments. Daily consumption of cow urine will also help increase people’s immunity. Our aim is to make cow urine easily available to the common public.”
Y’all know I would never make fun of anyone’s religious or cultural beliefs, right? I mean, I love cows, too. Those big eyes that say (at least in this country), “Don’t eat me, bro.” (Or maybe it was, “What are you looking at, bee-otch?” It’s hard to say). But we need to consider the possibility that, all along, those eyes were saying, “Don’t drink my urine, numb-nuts. There’s a reason it’s called waste.”
I’d listen to that cow. Continued …click here to read the full column on AL.com.