Groceries cost money, people. Have it ready: A shopping PSA

Y’all, I have an important, and quite urgent, question: When you go to the grocery store and fill a cart with food items – and maybe a bottle of peach Arbor Mist, some Ibuprofen and some Poise pads. Just sayin’ – do you realize that the reason you go through the line is not only so someone will put your purchases in bags but so you can pay for them??

Our country seems to be having an epidemic of people who, despite having lived on this earth for seven or eight decades, don’t know they are going to have to pay for things in their carts until after the cashier tells them an amount. Then their mouths form a sort-of “O” as if they had no clue.

I know it sounds ageist and sexist and probably ten other kinds of “ist,” but the offender is nearly always an 80-year-old lady (no offense, Nanna).

As soon as the cashier explains there is an amount due, the sweet little lady digs around in her purse (or in her case, “handbag”), pulls out ten or twenty crumpled bills, arranges them so they are all face-side-up, finds she is $2 short, and starts all over again, looking for the checkbook.

The sweet (grinding teeth) little lady then has to fill out the spaces on the check. This must be done very slowly, probably because of arthritis or because she is making perfect loops and swirls the way her cursive-writing teacher taught her in second grade. When she finishes her signature with a flourish, all the while explaining her grandson is making straight-As at West Point, she writes the amount in her check log, tugs the check from the book and 20 minutes later – woo hoo!! – she’s all done.

I’m not trying to be mean, y’all. Really, I’m not. But it just jars my preserves.

I’m working hard to have more patience. But, and I can’t stress this enough, you have to pay every time you get items at the store. Every. Time. (There are a few exceptions to this rule, such as buying with coupons, but don’t get me started on that today.)

If you’ve gone to the store about once a week for the past 60 years, roughly 3,120 times, you should have figured this out and, at the very least, have your checkbook handy. If you really want to be next-level, you can fill in the name of the store and the date before the cashier even finishes tallying.