Blog Post

Do other ‘intelligent’ life forms have to clean their toilets?

This morning as I was drinking my cup of coffee, I was doing my Saturday morning ritual of looking around the house at everything that needed to be cleaned or dusted.

The blinds needed dusting, of course. And the end tables. And the baseboards were coated. And the bottom of the wooden island … and the support bars under the chairs!

Then I noticed the plant – the one we’ve managed to keep alive – had dusty leaves. What fresh hell was this? I not only had to water it, I had to dust it? Plants are nature. You don’t dust nature. At least that’s what I’m going with.

There’s a tipping point I haven’t figured out – an amount of dust required before I just can’t take it anymore. For me, it happened Saturday morning. 

I took another sip of coffee, lying in my blue velvet lounge chair (aka the Princess Chair) and posed a question to Sweetums: “Why can’t someone invent materials that don’t need dusting? Surely, we, as humans, have come that far.”

Sweetums made noises of agreement. Then, I dove deeper: “I wonder if intelligent life forms in other galaxies have to dust. I don’t think, for example, the Mother creature in ‘Aliens’ even could dust. Look at those hands … or whatever they are.”

I was on a roll: “In fact, how do they do the dishes? Do they clean the toilets? You know someone has to clean the toilets. Otherwise … gross. Alien pee everywhere. What about the laundry? You can’t tell me they know how to fold fitted sheets. I mean, c’mon. I have opposing thumbs and I can’t fold fitted sheets.”

Nothing from Sweetums. It was entirely possible he’d left during my musings. That may have been him I heard outside on the mower. At least that’s one thing “intelligent life forms” don’t have to do, mow. All the other planets in science fiction movies don’t have grass. They’re kinda rocky and dirt-covered. Which brings us back to the dust question …

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