Southern Thing Column

Movies don’t have endings anymore and it really creams my corn

If you missed last week’s column on It’s a Southern Thing (SouthernThing.com), you can read it by clicking here. Below are the first paragraphs.

It happened again last night. Sweetums and I were streaming a movie on TV and ended up frustrated. We had few expectations – we tend to watch some terrible movies – but I did assume it would at least have and ending. It didn’t.

I mean it ended – we’re not still watching it – but it ended smack dab in the middle of the story. Fade to black. Finito. But I’m left sitting on the sofa with my mouth open and my brain a little sore from cogitating.

I’m getting pretty tired of this, y’all. When I sit down to watch a movie, I’d like to watch a whole one, all the way through to a conclusion. Southerners love a good story. In fact, we can make quite a tale out of a trip to the Piggly Wiggly. But would you leave a friend hanging at “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster?” No. You have to carry it through to “Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.” Now that’s a good ending to a story.

The growing trend in movie scripts these days is to leave the audience hanging, especially in scary movies. Why would anyone put us through such torture? The usual excuse is that the writer wanted the audience to figure out what happened next. It just makes my butt itch.

If I wanted to actually think, I wouldn’t be watching be watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. If I wanted to think, I’d learn new math. Or the metric system. Click here to read the entire column.

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