I like to think of myself as an independent woman, one who can take care of herself and anyone else who happens to be around, so no one was as surprised as I was with how easily I returned to the role of damsel-in-distress when I married Sweetums in 2016. In “Designing Women” terms, I went from Julia to Suzanne in the blink of a false eyelash.
Before I met Sweetums, I was a single mom for two decades and handled all the attendant single-mom duties with dignity and grace, by which I mean I only sat in the floor and cried once a week. I repaired things, I hammered things, I painted things and I sometimes even remembered to change the air filter in my house. One of my more important duties was Spider Liberator.
Baby Girl had a near-pathological fear of spiders, but she also strongly believes every life has a purpose, so when she spotted an eight-legged freak, the scenario went like this:
Baby Girl: “Mooooommmm!!!!”
Me, breathless from running to the bathroom: “What? What happened?”
Baby Girl: “There’s a spider in my bathtub.”
Me, recovering: “Just wash it down the drain.”
Baby Girl: “No! She has a family somewhere that she needs to feed. Come get her and take her outside. Hurry! “