It has finally happened! Sweetums and I are announcing the debut of our business, Rent-a-Squatch.
I know many of you have been waiting and hoping since the release of my book, “Not Quite Right,” I which I discussed Sweetums’ plan to rent himself out while in Bigfoot costume for birthday parties and events. Not only that, but we’re offering Squatch-o-Grams. That’s when Sweetums-squatch will come to your event and hand out tidbits of Bigfoot wisdom in tiny packages, including: “Always be yourself, unless you can be a Bigfoot. Then always be a Bigfoot.”
Sweetums-squatch is also licensed in most states to officiate weddings, which is helpful if you want your photos published in People and the National Enquirer. Just remember, all photos of Bigfoot will turn out blurry. (We don’t make the rules, y’all.)
We are listed with the BBB, Better Bigfoot Bureau, where we have a five-footprint rating.
A Rent-a-Squatch pricing guide:
- One-hour event: $200 ($2000 in summer. It’s hot in there, y’all)
- Two-hour event: $300 ($3000 in summer)
- All day in the winter: $499.99 (All day in the summer: $495,000.00)
- Squatch officiating wedding: $300
- Squatch officiating wedding that includes other mythical beings: We pay you $3. (We are hoping to go viral)
Oh, and, hope you had a happy April Fool’s Day!!