It was just an ordinary Sunday, spent watching my Sweetums’ officiate a vow renewal … while wearing a Bigfoot suit. I know what you’re thinking but, no, you cannot exchange lives with me.
Sweetums finally got his long-wished-for Sasquatch costume and somehow got the idea that running a Rent-a-Squatch service would be a good thing. (In fact, the subject takes up an entire chapter in my new book “Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird News Reporter.”) One of his friends encouraged the idea when he asked Sweetums, who is certified as a wedding officiate, to oversee his vow renewals with his wife of 30 years … while wearing his Bigfoot suit.
Everyone knows my thoughts on the subject: Put a 6-foot-7, 300-pound man in a Bigfoot suit and you’ll end up with a dead guy in a Bigfoot suit (People in Alabama carry guns, y’all. And they don’t stop to ask questions when they see a Sasquatch coming toward them. I’m guessing). Any-hoo, Sweetums agreed to officiate. But the weirdness didn’t stop there. His friend was also wearing a suit: a red one with white fur trim. The friend, Bob Boyer, is a professional Santa Claus and he planned to dress as the Big Guy – the other Big Guy – for the ceremony. His wife Ramona, though, does not enjoy playing Mrs. Claus. She prefers watching shows like “Finding Bigfoot.” Bob, being a good husband, wanted to include his wife’s interests, as well, hence a vow renewal featuring a Santa and a Sasquatch. See partial video below, along with photos.
We headed out on Sunday to Huntsville’s Sharon Johnston Park for the bizarre ceremony. After enjoying hot dogs at a pavilion by the picturesque lake, it was time to get ready. I was the Bigfoot wrangler and stylist (Sasquatch’s unruly hair kept blowing into his fierce, yellow eyes). Once Sweetums’ was in the suit, he was about a foot taller and rather imposing. Ramona and Bob are not tall people so they made quite the spectacle at the “altar,” which consisted of a Bigfoot-quilt backdrop (is anyone surprised we own one of those?)
It was something I’ve never seen before and will never see again … I hope. One vow ceremony featuring a Sasquatch and a Santa per lifetime is enough for anyone. Or should be.
I knew you’d want to see the photos so here you go. If you want to Rent-a-Squatch, email Sweetums directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. But be warned, if I’m going make a habit of being a Bigfoot wrangler/stylist, I’m gonna need a pretty hefty fee.