Column

Christmas music makes us crazy? So let’s write some Thanksgiving songs

Following is an excerpt from this week’s column on AL.com. The link at the bottom takes you to the full column.

Research backs up what we already knew, y’all: Too much Christmas music can make you want to pinch someone’s head off and drop kick it into next week.

If that sounds too violent, consider this: the barrage of annual holiday music is just like the method used to torture prisoners. Turn it up loud and play it over and over and over … until something snaps and someone has a come-apart. One day, I expect to hear a shopper yelling and crying in the general direction of Target’s speakers: “I can’t take it anymore. Just turn it off and I promise that for the rest of my life I will return my cart to the little corral thingy! I swear it. Just puh-leeze don’t play that Mariah Carey song again!!” Yeah, that shopper is gonna be me.

Don’t get me wrong. I adore Christmas music. I’m just pointing out there’s a reason it’s called “Christmas” music. It’s supposed to be played, like, at Christmastime. Not at Halloween, not at Thanksgiving, but at Christmas.

When retailers and radio stations start playing carols two months out, we begin wishing we’d been in front of that hit-and-run reindeer instead of Grandma. Click here to go to AL.com to read the full column.

Click here to read my previous column, Occupy Thanksgiving: Let’s take back the Black-Sheep Friday of the holidays.

2 thoughts on “Christmas music makes us crazy? So let’s write some Thanksgiving songs”

  1. Just like you, I’m not ready to listen to Christmas music until Dec. At least radios have an off switch, it’s harder if you’re in a store. I also don’t believe in Black Friday. Been there, done that, once. The item I wanted was sold out 15 minutes after the store opened at 6 AM. I couldn’t get there until 7 AM. When the local news shows the fools camped out all night in front of Best Buy, to try to get the latest electronic gizmos on sale I just laugh. Same thing happened when they opened a new LL Bean store a couple of years ago. It was not Christmas. A few hundred (or a thousand?) foolish people misread an ad LL Bean had on their website, and thought if they got there soon enough, before the doors opened, they would each get a $500. gift certificate. It was just to be eligible for a drawing for a $500.gift certificate. You Might Be A Winner! OOPS! They didn’t read the fine print! The line stretched almost all the way around the shopping plaza. Even if the ad wasn’t too clear, would it make sense that ANY store on the planet would give several hundred people each a $500. gift certificate?
    Boy, was PT Barnum ever right! I left and went back an hour later, the line was gone. The store wasn’t even crowded. So they weren’t there to buy something, as I was, all they were interested in was the nonexistent gift certificate!

    Like

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