Southern Thing Column

My real-life movie roles: ‘I Was a Menopausal Bride,’ featured with ‘Hot Flash Time Machine’

Today’s column gives a review of my year as a menopausal newlywed. See how Sweetums rates. The link below takes you to the full column on

A year ago, I married my Sweetums, partly because he’s as weird as I am but mostly because he knows exactly what to say to a menopausal bride – which is “You have a beautiful glow when you’re hot flashing” – and when to say it – at least 15 times a day … and then twice more.

Kelly Kazek’s photo edited with the glamour glow filter because that’s what menopausal brides do. (Photo by Glenn Wills)

As I’m sure people of both genders can imagine, it’s not easy being a menopausal bride. On the flip side, it’s probably not easy marrying one, but generally I’m very sweet and easy to get along with … everyone says so. At least to my face.

Preparing for the wedding itself was interesting, by which I mean emotionally crippling. I decided to wear a traditional gown, mainly because I like wearing shiny stuff on my head. I figured if I wore my usual middle-age mom attire of khaki capris and white orthopedic shoes, the tiara would seem like overkill.

I think any woman over 35 and a certain number of pounds can agree with me that there is nothing more painful than trying on wedding gowns next to a 20-something, stick-figure bride-to-be. (Some of you may be saying, “What about childbirth?” But with childbirth at least you get a baby out of the deal. In this scenario, I only came home with sweat and humiliation.) Click to read the full column, and review of Sweetums, on

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