Southern Thing Column

Hey, Spanx, arm-girdles were my idea

Following is an excerpt from this week’s column on The link at the bottom takes you to the full column.

The folks at Spanx must have been reading my columns because they totally stole my world-changing idea: arm Spanx. OK, to be fair, they really can’t steal something with their name on it so let’s say I appropriated their brand for my brilliant idea and now they are profiting. That’s usually how my inventions turn out, but I’d just like the world to know: I thought of arm Spanx a dozen years ago and I have it in writing in the form of one of my columns.

Of course, my invention was slightly different. My version would have made the fatty flaps hanging from my upper arms – which feel remarkably like half-filled water balloons when you wobble them – look as sleek and pencil-thin as Barbie’s without visible means of support. (And by the way, if you happen to see me on the street, don’t try wobbling my arm fat. I just hate that.)

The Spanx company’s newly debuted version of the garment is called “arm tights” and is described as being hosiery to cover your arms for layering without the bulk, whether for warmth or as a fashion statement. What they don’t say is that the tights can restrict your upper arms even in strong winds to prevent them from injuring the person next to you, which was more my idea. Click here to read the full column.

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