Blog Post, Column

Do women really need dangly crotch jewelry to draw attention (whisper) down there?

[Kelly Kazek] In a world in which really stupid people strive for attention with selfies and TMI disclosures, there are still some things we humans ought not draw attention to, and tops on the list is our (whisper) private parts.

NOTE: This is today’s column for AL.com. A link at the bottom takes you to the full column.

As I’ve said many times and still plan to embroider on a throw pillow: “They’re called privates for a reason.” Words to live by, as anyone raised in the south knows. If you ever need a reminder, just call me … or your mother.

This throw-pillow philosophy came to mind in past years when trends have arisen to make a woman’s (whisper) hooha more conspicuous. “Decorative” bikini waxes, for instance, or vajazzling, which involves putting sparkly crystals where sparkly crystals ought not be.

I found these trends pointless not only because I am a southern lady but also because I never understood why women would need to entice people to notice their (whisper) nether regions by adding bling, effectively creating a lighted marquee announcing “Here it is. C’mon in” … But now BoDivas Original Jewelry has created a piece of body bling called a Beachtail that I can only describe as … alarming. It is described as a “sexy charm for the bikini crotch.”  Click here to continue reading on AL.com.

beach tails 1

4 thoughts on “Do women really need dangly crotch jewelry to draw attention (whisper) down there?”

  1. Just one correction to your article.  Women do not have “dangly bits” as you mentioned.  Dangly bits are male.  “Wobbly bits” are female and refer to both her nether region and her chest protuberances.  “Naughty bits” are both collective and gender neutral.

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  2. I’m not surprised that a Japanese company came up with this. The people of the Far East have long had far different attitudes about sex and sexuality from us in the West. I had to explain this to my (then) teenage son who, while we were visiting a Chinese restaurant, told me about his recent visit to Chinatown in Boston with friends. There, he saw paintings and lots of other objects adorned with artwork depicting people having sex. To us, it’s porn, to them it’s art. Hey, in India, there’s an entire temple covered with carvings of people having sex. I remember a novel called Shogun which was about Japan in the 16th century in which an English ship captain was presented with an elaborate dildo as a gift to bring back to Queen Elizabeth I. I don’t know if this is just a story, or if it came from real life, but given the culture, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true. These are the same people who invented Rent-a-Family, and I’ve heard they are big into robots, including sexbots. Hello, Mr. “I’m Fully Functional” Data from Star Trek, the Next Generation. They’re beating him to it. To them, it’s no big deal. They love to push the limit.

    They have even bottled the scent from a cat’s head as perfume and there’s a paw scent too, in hand lotion. It’s supposed to smell good, like baking bread. I tried smelling my cat’s head and he doesn’t smell like that at all. His paws smell dirty, even though he’s pretty clean as cats go. Not something I’d want my hand lotion to smell like. So I’m not surprised when the Japanese market weird stuff. Oh, I forgot, they invented Godzilla too. I do like my Toyota, though. Best cars on the market, bar none.

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