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We’ve officially run out of topics for listicles. Except this one. You should read this one.

It finally happened. We ran out of topics for lists. How do I know? I saw this headline on Buzzfeed yesterday: “49 dog photos that Jeff Goldblum has liked on Instagram.” If you think I’m kidding, look for yourself. (And the pics are all of the same dog.)

So, I decided I’d make a list with a similarly thought-provoking headline and here it is:

10 random things I did in the past week

  1. Liked a video of baby goats on Facebook. Well, I actually hearted it. It was totes McGoats. See it here.
  2. Snuggled with the new plush Bigfoot Sweetums brought home from a weekend trip with stepson Groover.
  3. Wondered why the plush Bigfoot Sweetums brought home from a weekend trip with stepson Groover has “man boobs,” colloquially known as “moobs.”
  4. Realized they are actually Squatch boobs.
  5. Created the word “sqoobs.” (You’re welcome)
  6. Heard these words come from Baby Girl’s mouth: “I should have put new duct tape on the bumper before I left Auburn.” (It’s white duct tape. It matches the car. Don’t judge).
  7. Made rude gestures (behind the window curtain, y’all. I’m a southern lady) at a woman in my neighborhood, whom we affectionately call The Mean Old Lady who Yells at Kids and Dogs to Stay off the Lawn, although I usually shorten it into a cute little nickname, like “be-otch.”
  8. Spent nine hours watching “Murder, She Wrote” reruns. (Spoiler alert: Jessica Fletcher solves all the murders. Every. One.)
  9. Wondered who would want to be Jessica Fletcher’s friend. They were dropping like Alabama governors, y’all. I’d keep my distance.
  10. Got a compliment from a commenter named “Cheese” that I thought was sarcastic and decided I have post-troll traumatic disorder.

There you have it. Exclusive insight into the mind of a humor writer. Well, not really exclusive. Anyone can read it. They probably just don’t want to.

1 thought on “We’ve officially run out of topics for listicles. Except this one. You should read this one.”

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