It finally happened. We ran out of topics for lists. How do I know? I saw this headline on Buzzfeed yesterday: “49 dog photos that Jeff Goldblum has liked on Instagram.” If you think I’m kidding, look for yourself. (And the pics are all of the same dog.)
So, I decided I’d make a list with a similarly thought-provoking headline and here it is:
10 random things I did in the past week
- Liked a video of baby goats on Facebook. Well, I actually hearted it. It was totes McGoats. See it here.
- Snuggled with the new plush Bigfoot Sweetums brought home from a weekend trip with stepson Groover.
- Wondered why the plush Bigfoot Sweetums brought home from a weekend trip with stepson Groover has “man boobs,” colloquially known as “moobs.”
- Realized they are actually Squatch boobs.
- Created the word “sqoobs.” (You’re welcome)
- Heard these words come from Baby Girl’s mouth: “I should have put new duct tape on the bumper before I left Auburn.” (It’s white duct tape. It matches the car. Don’t judge).
- Made rude gestures (behind the window curtain, y’all. I’m a southern lady) at a woman in my neighborhood, whom we affectionately call The Mean Old Lady who Yells at Kids and Dogs to Stay off the Lawn, although I usually shorten it into a cute little nickname, like “be-otch.”
- Spent nine hours watching “Murder, She Wrote” reruns. (Spoiler alert: Jessica Fletcher solves all the murders. Every. One.)
- Wondered who would want to be Jessica Fletcher’s friend. They were dropping like Alabama governors, y’all. I’d keep my distance.
- Got a compliment from a commenter named “Cheese” that I thought was sarcastic and decided I have post-troll traumatic disorder.
There you have it. Exclusive insight into the mind of a humor writer. Well, not really exclusive. Anyone can read it. They probably just don’t want to.