Sweetums and I are known to watch some really, really bad horror movies. Why? Because they’re usually pretty dang funny. But sometimes, the movie premises are too weird, even for us, and that’s saying something.
Here’s a list of a few we’ve come across, but couldn’t watch.
Frankenhooker
Released 1990. IMDb synopsis: “A medical student sets out to recreate his decapitated fiancée by building her a new body made of Manhattan street prostitutes.”
Well, of course. Where else do you look for a new body for your loved one but Frankenhookers R Us? Look for coupons in the Sunday edition of The New York Times.
Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies
Released 2016. IMDb synopsis: “Zombie action in the Alps: a group of young snowboarders is stuck in a remote mountain ski resort, where an all-night aprés-ski party soon turns into a hellish nightmare of zombie mayhem.”
So many questions. But mainly: Where did the zombies get the lederhosen? Also: Why?
Rubber
Released 2010. IMDb synopsis: “A homicidal car tire, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession.”
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: Never piss off the car tire.
Monsturd
Released 2003. IMDb synopsis: “A serial killer mutates with a chemical inside a sewer, to become a monster made of human waste just as the FBI and police are onto him.”
Authorities will eventually flush him out. It’s holding onto him that’s going to be the problem…
Thankskilling
Released 2009. IMDb synopsis: “A homicidal turkey axes off college kids during Thanksgiving break.”
They’ve been plotting revenge since the landing at Plymouth Rock.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
Released 2006. IMDb synopsis: “Zombified chickens attempt to kill the fast-food workers that cook them in a restaurant built on an ancient burial ground.”
Bet fast food workers taste like chicken.
Evil Bong
Released 2006. IMDb synopsis: “Straight-laced nerd Alistair moves into a college dorm with hardcore marijuana users Brett, Larnell, and Bachman. Larnell orders an old giant bong that proves to have strange magical powers. When smoked said bong sends a person to a bizarre drugged-out alternate realm from which there is no easy escape.”
Nobody watching this really cares what it’s about. They’ve already fallen prey.
The Man with the Smallest Penis in Existence and the Electron Microscope Technician Who Loved Him
Limited release in 2003, by which I mean the filmmaker’s living room.
OK, so this is a short film with no description but I wanted to include it because, well, it says (whisper) penis right there in the title. I didn’t watch it but I assume it’s NSFW. Although it may only be unsuitable if you have a microscope at work.
KellyKazek.com 
It’s been awhile, but I did happen upon Rubber one time and it was hilarious. The tire was devious and relentless in it’s pursuit of killing humans. I believe the ending had him recruiting other tires to wipe out mankind.
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Yessss! With the tricycle and bicycle tires. Craziest thing ever. The one that disturbed me on this list was Monsturd. Wow
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I’ve run into a few (recently made) turkeys on Amazon Prime. You have to wonder if a few of them are being made by film students from, say, UCLA, or by just high school/college students with time on their hands. These days, just about anyone can make a movie. A friend of my son’s from high school made his own soap opera, which my son acted in. It actually wasn’t half bad.
Are the movies you’re talking about from the Golden Age of bad movies, the 50’s? I’ve seen a few of those, like Plan 9 from Outer Space. It was so bad that it became a cult movie. Even Elvira thought it was bad!
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Oops, I re-read the article and noticed that you did include the dates these were made!
The 50’s did have a lot of bad movies though!
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No worries! Yes, the 50s were awesome that way 🙂
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