Southern Thing Column

It’s a column about toothpaste gloops but that doesn’t mean it’s not important

Note: This is a completely insignificant, apolitical column about the need for more government research in the area of toothpaste tubes. If you disagree, you are wrong you should skip this column.

The other day when I tried to pick up my contact lens case from the bathroom counter, it didn’t budge. It was stuck there by a random blob of hardened toothpaste that was tougher than Gorilla Glue.

After prying it up and scrubbing a few other sticky blobs, I decided we, as Americans, need to demand scientists spend more time making a better toothpaste container. Do we really need our most brilliant minds inventing things like slippers with lights on the toes when there’s a perfectly good light switch right there on the wall? I say no. We need toothpaste that doesn’t leave blobs. And we need it now. Click here to continue reading.

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