Southern Thing Column

Couples Issue of the Week: Slasher film v. nature documentary; pick a side


I understand, even before writing this column, that it may cause some of you to have a come-apart. That is not my intention. My intention is to foster understanding and goodwill between the sexes, by which I mean get the women on my side so I can show Sweetums I’m not crazy.

So here is our Couple Issue of the Week: Every time Sweetums turns on NatGeo, or Animal Planet or Discovery, I begin to feel panicky. Sure, the show may seem to be a sweet, fuzzy documentary about sweet, fuzzy meerkats or sloths or numbats. But I can guarantee that before three minutes have passed, I will have to close my eyes, put my fingers in my ears and chant, “lalalalala.” … Because eventually a wolf or hyena or bear will wander onto the screen … and eat little Bambi or Buttercup or Fluffbottom for lunch.

(Yes, by then I have named them. What kind of mother would I be if I let them go through life nameless?) Click here to keep reading.

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