Southern Thing Column

Who’s watching those microchips – God? The guvment? Maybe Santa?

This post links to my weekly AL.com column below.

I used to think it was silly to believe our phones, computers and microwaves were keeping track of our movements, right down to the fact that we make our mac-and-cheese from a box and had to google how to do that. But I’m finally beginning to side with those conspiracy theorists who think they are watching us.

Who are they? I have no idea. It could be anyone. It could be everyone. It could be Rockwell featuring Michael Jackson. Or it could be our employers, like Three Square Market in Wisconsin, which has embedded microchips in its workers so they can enter locked buildings and clock in and out. I don’t like it. Not. One. Little. Bit.

I get nervous whenever someone says something along the lines of “Your mom and dad are watching over you from heaven.” I know the person who made the comment is being kind but my mind, unbidden, will flip through mental images of my activities for the previous few days, searching for things I would never want my parents to witness. Did I pick my nose? Throw my fast food bag in the floorboard of the car? Wear my underwear two days in a row? Make out with a boy? Sleep naked??? Read the full column by clicking here.man

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