Below is an excerpt from my book “Not Quite Right: Mostly True Tales of a Weird NEws Reporter.” $15. Email firstname.lastname@example.org for signed copies.
I just love Fannie Flagg, y’all. She was raised in Birmingham, Alabama, and was a comedian and actor before becoming a best-selling author with novels like “Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café.” I want to be her when I grow up. I’ve been lucky enough to interview her a few times in my career, including once before a local book signing event. Sweetums came along to act as photographer.
When Fannie, an elegant redhead, came out to shake my hand, I said to her: “You probably don’t remember, but I interviewed you a few years back for a book I wrote, later I sent you a copy of one of my humor books.”
She said, “Oh, yes. I remember. I enjoyed it.” My head got light as a cloud. You could have floated me around the room on a string.
Then Sweetums whispered in my ear: “You know she never read that book, right? She was just being polite.”
I wanted to beat him with a shoe. A pair of shoes. High heels. Yes, she was being polite. She’s a southern lady. And of course she doesn’t have time to read everything people send her. But he couldn’t just let me have that one? At least for a minute or two? Come on!
He will owe me until the day he dies, probably from injuries sustained during a shoe beating, or until he procures a letter from Fannie Flagg saying she really did read my book and thought it was the best thing since sliced fried green tomatoes.