Southern Thing Column

Alligators are getting a little too big for their britches and here’s why

If you missed last week’s column on It’s a Southern Thing (SouthernThing.com), you can read it by clicking here. Below are the first paragraphs.

Some people claim Florida is weird. I think it is a perfectly lovely state where the wildlife just happens to be smarter than the rest of us. Settle down. I’m not insulting the intelligence of Floridians or Southerners. I’m just saying when alligators learn to come to the front door or climb your fence, you should really consider moving inland.

Here’s a for instance: CBS Miami reported that a Fort Myers woman answered a knock on her door on Thanksgiving Day, only to find an uninvited guest dressed in about nine feet of scales. Being a Southerner, she said, “I don’t know you or your mama n’em but, shoot, you just drag your tail on in here. We’ve got plenty of turkey – just let me find the Cool Whip container I put it in.” I’m guessing. I wasn’t actually there but that’s what MeeMaw would have said.

It’s gotten out of hand, y’all, and it’s anyone’s guess who which species will win since an alligator apparently can block your putt, eat a patrol car,  get knifed in the head and still drink your wine – or maybe he had the wine first, which would explain a lot. Click here to read the full column.

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